Wandering Story: Attacked by Monkeys in Lopburi

April 24, 2016

The Green Lion

My trip around the world as the blogger for TGL was about to commence. After 6 months of working in Thailand, it was time to move onto the job of my dreams.

It was going to be perfect. First stop: Cambodia.

I hopped on the minivan that would take me to Saraburi, where I’d take a bus to the Thailand-Cambodia border.

The minivan made a 20 minute stop in Lopburi, a town that has not been lost into perdition thanks to sections of its residents, which happen to be monkeys. The stop was incredibly random as it did not occur in the main bus station, but rather right in front of Phra Prang Sam Yod, the remains of a temple and the monkey’s favorite hotspot for hanging out.

I had been there before three times in the past and adored the place. Because nothing in this world can make me happier than monkeys gently climbing on my head and carefully running their fingers through my hair in the quest for fleas.

Naturally, I was stoked to be making a stop here and getting twenty minutes with what I thought were marvelous creatures.

But today was different. So much can occur in twenty minutes.

My concept of monkeys and sweet memories of them were about to blur into apathy.

This was an ideal photo opportunity! I had bought a new SD card that morning. I excitedly unpackaged it and as I was about to insert it into my camera…

It happened.

I looked around to find that I had been unwaveringly cornered by a group of three monkeys looking at my brand new SD card with suspicion.

As one began to climb up my leg, I held onto my card as if there was no tomorrow.

The remaining two monkeys hopped and held on to my arms as the third one hastily grasped my fingers and with an effortless pull using his other hand, seized the card.

“Please don’t do that!”, I squealed. “I just bought it today and I need it for work!”, I added with a look of horror on my face while I held out my hand hopelessly, thinking perhaps the monkey would turn out to be understanding of the circumstances and return the treasure.

It didn’t.

I hissed at the monkeys in the hope they would get scared and abort their mission. But how scary could a 5’3 tall girl with a grimace and flat teeth be? I am certain these monkeys have had way more challenging encounters in the past.

Naturally, my tactic didn’t work. Instead, the three monkeys hissed back at the same time, exposing their shuddery sharp teeth.

It was time for plan C: Escape. These monkeys were about to KILL me.

I began running frantically the opposite way (I know… I couldn’t have reacted in a worse way) until I slipped onto the ground, my whole life flashing before my eyes.

I tried getting back up when my knees failed me and I fell flat on my face again. I dragged myself onto the ground, feeling the asphalt tearing the flesh from my knees open as another monkey jumped from the roof atop, cushioning its fall against my back.

It was over. These vicious creatures had outwitted me. I kept my body on the ground and covered my head with my arms. Utter darkness.

I felt a weight getting off my back and turned around while I braced myself expecting the monkeys to bite my nose off. Scenes of me bleeding to death in the middle of this forsaken town flickered before my eyes.

But nothing happened.

The monkeys had left and instead were a group of Thai schoolgirls looking at me with confused expressions on their faces.

And it wasn’t even 8 am. Little did I know it was only the first unfortunate incident of the day (more on that later this week.)

A fun fact to add to this post is that, out of three years of traveling almost full-time, this even has been the second time I’ve ever fallen victim to robbery.

The first happened in the Peruvian Amazonas. The criminal? A monkey, too.